Expectation V Reality

It's that special time of year, when no matter how well you are doing in your daily life, you somehow feel like you aren't because you celebrated improperly and can't live up to society's expectations to have that truly PERFECT Christmas.  The key to a merry Christmas is to keep your expectations as low as possible.
1. The tree
                                   EXPECTATION        VS   REALITY

          

 You didn't have time to cut a fresh pine tree, hike three miles, and pull it in a sled.  You bought it at Target a few years ago, the branches are a little crooked, and most of the ornaments aren't broken.  It's your tree! Unfortunately, it looks like Charlie Brown's tree. At least your wreath is real.

2. Cookies

 Leave a few out for your pets because they are going to make their way to the trash in  few hours while you try to dodge the question "Why didn't Santa eat my cookies?!".  Cookie kits taste like cardboard and sugary glue, and real ones just take too much time.

3. Dinner
You want make cranberry cornbread stuffing and have a turkey that will glisten more than the drool on everyone else's chins.  Instead the table is set with disposable plates, and your dollar store candles smell like snowman tears.

4.  Family
While your coworkers are rushing home to be with their loved ones, you are stuck at work. Again.  They know your family didn't come to visit. But maybe if you are really good, they will give you three days off in a row so that you can spend $800 in air fair to spend 12 hours with your family.  Would it be Grinch-y to tell your sister-in-law that if she was actually a real Buddhist, she wouldn't be eating turkey? 

5. Decorations
It took you 45 minutes to untangle the lights. Then half the strand was burnt out. Then you went to the hardware store, but they said they don't sell replacement bulbs for lights that old. Then you forgot to care. At least you didn't forget to hang the stockings.

6.  After Dinner Walk
You want to bundle up in your favorite sweater, your warmest boots, and your new mittens.  You forget that the sidewalks are a death trap, it's 20* below zero, and your eyes may have just frozen in the open position.

7.  Movie Time
All you want is the cuddle on the couch and watch "Its a Wonderful Life".  Instead, one of you is scrubbing pans, and the other in hunkered down on the couch with a bunch of sugar and MSG instead. And after 3 hours of Hugh Grant, Cary Grant and Macaulay Culkin, it's getting pretty hot and heavy with the bowl of pistachios.

8.  Presents
It's Christmas morning and the smell of disappointment permeates everything. It even overpowers the smell of unscooped cat litter and stale whiskey. All joking aside, I got everything on my wish list, and had a very relaxing evening.  I was very pleased.