Expectation V Reality

It's that special time of year, when no matter how well you are doing in your daily life, you somehow feel like you aren't because you celebrated improperly and can't live up to society's expectations to have that truly PERFECT Christmas.  The key to a merry Christmas is to keep your expectations as low as possible.
1. The tree
                                   EXPECTATION        VS   REALITY

          

 You didn't have time to cut a fresh pine tree, hike three miles, and pull it in a sled.  You bought it at Target a few years ago, the branches are a little crooked, and most of the ornaments aren't broken.  It's your tree! Unfortunately, it looks like Charlie Brown's tree. At least your wreath is real.

2. Cookies

 Leave a few out for your pets because they are going to make their way to the trash in  few hours while you try to dodge the question "Why didn't Santa eat my cookies?!".  Cookie kits taste like cardboard and sugary glue, and real ones just take too much time.

3. Dinner
You want make cranberry cornbread stuffing and have a turkey that will glisten more than the drool on everyone else's chins.  Instead the table is set with disposable plates, and your dollar store candles smell like snowman tears.

4.  Family
While your coworkers are rushing home to be with their loved ones, you are stuck at work. Again.  They know your family didn't come to visit. But maybe if you are really good, they will give you three days off in a row so that you can spend $800 in air fair to spend 12 hours with your family.  Would it be Grinch-y to tell your sister-in-law that if she was actually a real Buddhist, she wouldn't be eating turkey? 

5. Decorations
It took you 45 minutes to untangle the lights. Then half the strand was burnt out. Then you went to the hardware store, but they said they don't sell replacement bulbs for lights that old. Then you forgot to care. At least you didn't forget to hang the stockings.

6.  After Dinner Walk
You want to bundle up in your favorite sweater, your warmest boots, and your new mittens.  You forget that the sidewalks are a death trap, it's 20* below zero, and your eyes may have just frozen in the open position.

7.  Movie Time
All you want is the cuddle on the couch and watch "Its a Wonderful Life".  Instead, one of you is scrubbing pans, and the other in hunkered down on the couch with a bunch of sugar and MSG instead. And after 3 hours of Hugh Grant, Cary Grant and Macaulay Culkin, it's getting pretty hot and heavy with the bowl of pistachios.

8.  Presents
It's Christmas morning and the smell of disappointment permeates everything. It even overpowers the smell of unscooped cat litter and stale whiskey. All joking aside, I got everything on my wish list, and had a very relaxing evening.  I was very pleased.

Cockroach Clusters

Honeydukes has got nothing on me! I made these lovely dates filled with a cashew filling, topped with raw pecans. Delicious.

Cookies

Gingerbread and sugar cookies with glace icing.

Bay Wreath

The sweet herbal scent of bay leaves is one of the season's most pleasing aromas. The leaves will dry naturally and can be used in cooking throughout the year. In America, dried bay leaves are imported (generally from Turkey) and fresh bay leaves come from California, almost universally. And in fact, the two types of bay leaves are not even directly related.

Air ferns

Christmas Songs

I have already blogged about the saddest Christmas songs.  This year, keeping in tradition, I would like to submit to you, twelve of the worst written songs for the 12 days of Christmas.  Here's my list of what's naughty--not nice--when it comes to Christmas songs. I've focused on hard-to-find gems which will ruin your holidays for good. You're welcome.

Ariana Grande - Santa Tell Me
A song about whether or not to give away sex as a Christmas present. The lyrics are an interesting twist on the old Christmas lyrical standard of "I want love for Christmas," and addresses the question... what happens after the mistletoe has been taken down? Is there any guarantee for non-snowy love?
Santa tell me if you're really there
Don't make me fall in love again
If he won't be here next year
Santa tell me if he really cares
Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year

She and Him - Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Ahhh, Christmas. Mistletoe, presents, innocence, starlight, rebirth, and date rape.  I will grant you that this cute duet that attempts to be a seduction song. And seduction is sexy and fun when you trust your partner
The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell

Olivia Newton John - I think You Might Like It
Christmas is happening, you can't stop it, but Lo! I think you might like it .
Here comes my home town
So good to get my wheels down
Im coming home tonight
Here comes that magical spell of Christmas Eve
Theres nothing you can do
But wear your hear upon your sleeve

Justin Beiber - Mistletoe
Beiber uses the word 'shawty' when singing about gathering around the fire, roasting chestnuts, and following his heart like the three wisemen followed the star.  The melody is very similar to Jason Mraz‘s ‘I’m Yours.’ There are also many missed opportunities to make the song rhyme or be more lyrical, but oh well.
I don’t wanna miss out on the holiday
But I can’t stop staring at your face
I should be playing in the winter snow
But I’mma be under the mistletoe


Lady GaGa - Christmas Tree
I typically like Lady GaGa, but I just can't get behind this song.  She equates getting boozzed up to getting lit (like a tree) then reffers to herself as a Christmas Tree. Come on GaGa, get it together!
You oh oh a christmas
My christmas tree is delicious

Wham! - Last Christmas
The song, like many songs of that era, is made up of only one line repeated 500 times.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away.
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.

Barenaked Ladies - Elf's Lament
This is a despressing song, disguised as a Christmas song. Makes me feel like I'm the 'elf'
Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

Cyndi Lauper - Christmas Conga
With a tawdry Latin beat it’s a song that would sound more at home during the apocalypse than Christmas dinner.
Bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga
Do the Christmas Conga

Aquadrop - Troll the Halls
No lyrics, but you still might want to rip your ears off.

The Robertson - Ragin' Cajun Redneck Christmas
If you can't make it two minutes in to hear the rednecks touching birthday wishes to Jesus, you might as well not listen at all.
Saw a tree tied up on the hood of a Humvee
Brother Bill at the store ringin' that bell
I throw a little change in his cup so I won't go to hell

RuPaul -All I Want For Christmas
Because let's face it...we don't all live in that Norman Rockwell setting.
All I want for christmas is my liposuction
I want some lipo honey,
I want you to put it all over my body.

Snoop Dogg - Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto
Who doesn't own the album "Christmas on Death Row"?  I like to wear my Santa hat backward when I listen.
Life is so crucial and cold, it's worse for the children
In this world they hopes and dreams can't afford
The young and old churches and spiritual dreams, seasonal things
Heard throughout the ghetto reaches gangstas and dope-fiends, huh

Maybe

In the very center of the picture you can see a V shaped leafy bit.  I think it might be a blossom.  The texture is different from the broad floppy leaves. They are more compact and upside down or unopened shaped.  I will be keeping a close watch.  I know what I want for Christmas!!!!

Splatoon Hat

This year Dave wanted a hat, similar in style to the characters playing his favorite video game, Splatoon! I think I nailed it.

Danish

1 cup (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
2 teaspoons dry active yeast
1/2 cup milk (I used 1%)
1/4 cup warm water (like a baby's bath)
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste


Cut a half a tablespoon of butter off the ends of each stick of butter, and set aside.
Cut each stick of butter in half, then cut each half stick lengthwise. Line 4 butter rectangles up side by side on a sheet of lightly floured parchment. Dust with flour, and fold the parchment up and over the butter. Use a rolling pin to lightly pound/roll the butter to a thickness of about 1/4-inch. Repeat with the remaining 4 butter rectangles. Refrigerate the parchment-wrapped butter squares.
Place the flour, sugar, salt, and yeast in a large mixing bowl and stir to combine. Cut in the reserved tablespoon of cold butter, rubbing between your fingertips to fully incorporate. In a large liquid measure, stir the milk, water, egg, and vanilla together. Add the liquid ingredients into the dry and stir together. Knead the dough for approximately 7 minutes in a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook attachment.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and roll/pat into a rough rectangle shape. (Ideally, the short side of the rectangle should be about the same length as the long side of the butter square in step 2. The long side should be about 3x the length of the short side of the butter square.)
Place one of the butter squares in the center of the dough rectangle. Fold one side of the dough over the butter, and top with the remaining butter square. Fold the other side of the dough over the second butter square. Pinch the sides of the dough together to encase the butter within the dough.
Roll the dough out to a thickness of about 1/2-inch, then fold the dough into thirds, like a letter. Repeat, two more times. Wrap loosely with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight (or for a minimum of 1 hour). LINK

Reindeer Noses

These are just the EASIEST holiday treat you can make. Pretzel squares, a Rolo, and an MM. Unwrap Rolos, place one on top of each pretzel, place in hot oven for 3 minutes until Rolos get a little glossy, remove from oven, use an MM to squish each Rolo. The melty caramel combined with the salty pretzel is a good combo. Other variations include using pecan halves to make mock turtles.

Panettone

The PANTONE® name is known worldwide as the standard language for color communication from designer to manufacturer to retailer to customer.  Panettone or King cake is a type of sweet bread loaf originally from Milan, usually prepared and enjoyed for Christmas and New Year .  The word "panettone" might derive from the Italian word "panetto", a small loaf cake. The augmentative Italian suffix "-one" changes the meaning to "large cake".  However in Milanese "pan del ton", means "cake of luxury".

Thanks giving

We have so many freedoms others do not have.  It has cost some men and women time away from family, life-altering injuries, or the ultimate price – their life. Thank you to those who helped, or are helping, protect those freedoms.
True friends encourage us, motivate us, and push us to do better. Thank you for all the great things you have done and for also being a great friend to others.
Hopefully, like my home, your home is also a place of safety and encouragement.  This season we are supporting organizations who help those who have no homes.
In addition, we are thankful we have the opportunity to eat on a daily basis. If you have plenty, please show your thanks by helping to support agencies that care for the hungry.

More Mashups!!

Bookmark

I made the bookmark for my mother, but she happened to have a vintage copy of Alice in Wonderland. Makes a lovely coffee table book.

No Bread Stuffing

3/4 pound turkey sausage (you may use pork breakfast sausage)
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1/4 cup chopped red onion
2 eggs
2 cups coarsely chopped cauliflower
1/2 cup diced mushrooms
1/2 cup grated Parmesan
1 tablespoon chopped parsley leaves
3 tablespoons chopped fresh sage leaves
3 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme leaves
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

Full Recipe Here

Pecan Pie

Crust	Filling
3/4 C. blanched almond flour	1 1/2 C. pecans
1/4 C. coconut flour	3 eggs, beaten
1/2 C. coconut oil	1 C. Swerve
1/2 C. Swerve	1 tsp. stevia glycerite
1 tsp. stevia glycerite	1 C. xylitol syrup
1/4 tsp. sea salt	2 Tbs. coconut oil, melted
1 egg	1 tsp. vanilla extract

Full Recipe Here
Yield: 12 slices.
NUTRITIONAL COMPARISON (per serving)
Traditional Pecan Pie = 396 calories, 22g fat, 3.7g protein, 51 carbs, 1.6g fiber
Modified Pie = 229 calories, 20g fat, 7.7g protein, 3.8 carbs, 2g fiber

Bacon Carrot cupcake

Cupcake	Frosting
3 C. grated carrot	1 stick of butter, room temp
5 eggs	rounded 1/4 C. powdered sugar
7 oz butter melted (close to 2 sticks)	1/4 C. sugar free maple syrup
3 Tb. non nutritive sweetener	pinch of salt
1 ½ C. almond meal
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. cinnamon
½ cup chopped pecans
2 tsp. vanilla
½ C. shredded unsweetened coconut

Bake 350* for 20 minutes. Makes 12 cupcakes. Serving size: 1 slice iced Calories:327 calories, 6 carb, 34 g. fat, 6 g protein.

Pumpkin Custard

2 eggs
1 can unsweetened coconut milk (14.5 oz)
3/4 C. pumpkin puree
1/4 C. non nutritive sweetener
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ginger
1 tsp. xanthan gum
1 tsp. vanilla

Have cracked eggs ready in a bowl, and set aside where it will be within reach. In 2qt. sauce pan, using a whisk, combine milk, sugar, pumpkin, and xantham gum over medium heat on stove top. Allow get get warm, but not boil. Whisk occasionally to prevent scalding on bottom of pan. Remove milk mixture from heat, preferably to a burner that's turned off. Mix about 2 tablespoons of hot milk mixture into eggs using whisk, then introduce eggs into milk mixture in a slow stream, whisking milk mixture constantly. Immediately return pan to heat and whisk gently until custard thickens, another two or three minutes. Do not allow to boil. (If you find that you have egg white strands in custard, feel free to pass it through a fine-mesh sieve into a different bowl now.) Remove pan from heat and stir in vanilla.

Makes 5 servings: 144 calories, 7 carbs, 2 sugar, 3 fiber each.

Happy Halloween

“Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness—for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again
In death around thee, and their will
Shall overshadow thee; be still.”

—From “Spirits of the Dead” by Edgar Allan Poe

Ginger Harvest

 
I dug up the ginger today. Frost is on the way, and I didn't want the plants to get damaged and start rotting. In theory, you can leave it planted for next year. If trying (and failing) with with strawberries, chives, rosemary, and sage was any indication, it gets too cold to leave it in the ground. Dig up ginger when leaves begin to die back. Trim off leafy bits, wash off ginger chunks, then store (dry) in a Ziplock baggie in the refrigerator. Will keep for 3 months (in theory).

Pb cookie

1 C. natural peanut butter
1/2 C. Splenda
1 egg

Mix, scoop into balls, flatten , Bake 350* 12 minutes.

If 12 cookies, 1 cookies is 4g carbs, 1.3g fiber, 6g protein, 100 calories.

Roasted Herbed Mushrooms

16 even-sized open cup mushrooms, stalks cut level
3 Tbs. olive oil
2 cloves garlic, chopped very finely
3 Tbs. unsalted butter, softened
2 Tbs. fresh thyme, chopped
½ tsp. garlic powder
5 Tbs. almond flour
1½ Tbs. lemon juice
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 400*F.  In a skillet, lightly fry the mushrooms, cap-side down, in hot oil for 2-3 minutes.  Arrange the mushrooms in a a 9x13 cooking dish with the stalks facing upwards.In a small bowl, mix together the butter, garlic, thyme, lemon juice and seasoning.  Spoon a little garlic butter on to each mushroom, then lightly press the almond meal on top.  Bake mushrooms 15 minutes until  golden around the mushroom cap.

1,111 calories, 20g carbs, 6g fiber, 117g fat, 14g protein for the entire tray.

Plotting

Fly my pretties. FLY!!

Chicken stew

Whole raw chicken
andoule or kilbasa sausage
1/2 head celery
1/2 large sweet onion
2 green onions, sliced
2 medium sized carrots
1/2 lb green beans
large can diced or crushed tomatoes
2 bay leaves
Garlic,pepper, and salt to taste

In a large pot, place you washed chicken. Add enough water to cover chicken. Cut onion into large pieces, keep skin on. Cut one carrot into large pieces. Cut 3 celery ribs.into large pieces. Place large cut vegetables in pot with chicken along with bay leaves. Boil until chicken is tender. Get another soup pot. Place colendar on top of second soup pot. Pour contents of first soup pot into collendar. Let the chicken cool. Separate meat from bones and skin. Return good chicken meat to the 3nd pot. Discard vegetable matter. Dice remaining celery and carrot into bite size pieces. Add celery, carrots, tomatoes, and green onion to soup. Sautee sausage until golden and delicious, then add to soup. Simmer soup on low until flavors combine. Season as necessary. I always use pepper but I felt this soup needed a bit of salt to make up for the heavy celery base flavor.

Music of Goodbye

When I’m alone I dream		Time to say goodbye
on the horizon and words fail		to countries I never saw and shared
yes, I know there is no light		with you, now, yes,
in a room where the sun is absent,		I shall experience theme
if you are not with me, with me.		I'll go with you
At the windows show everyone my heart		on ships across seas
which you set alight;		which I know no, no, exist
enclose within me the light		no longer.
you encountered in the street		Time to say goodbye...
When I’m alone I dream

Oh my dear father (who is dying, by the way),		Yes, yes, I want to go there!
I like him (a boy named Rinuccio), he is very handsome.		And if my love were in vain,
I want to go to Porta Rossa		I would go to Ponte Vecchio
to buy the ring!		and throw myself in the Arno (river)!
		I am pining and I am tormented,
		Oh God! I would want to die!
		Daddy, have mercy, have mercy!
		Daddy, have mercy, have mercy!

These songs sound very similar to me even tho one is in Italian, the other in Spanish. Listen how the sopranos' melody breathes the same notes as the accompanying violin. Both the singer and violin hit the same plaintive notes to convey their message.

Scrubbies

Material:
'K' hook
1 yard nylon netting

Pattern:
Cut Nylon Netting into 2" wide strips. Knot ends together to make one long continuous strip.

Rnd 1 (right side): Ch 4, sl st in first ch to form ring, ch 3(counts as dc), 11 dc in ring; join with sl st in 3rd ch of beg ch-3. (12 dc)
Rnd 2: Ch 2 (counts as hdc), hdc in same st as joining, 2 hdc in each st around; join with sl st in 2nd ch of beg ch-2. Fasten off.

Other Side: Rep Rnds 1-2 but do not fasten off.
Joining Circles: With wrong sides of each circle facing each other and working through both  thicknesses at the same time, sl st in each st around. Fasten off and weave in ends.

Gumbo

3 quarts shrimp stock made from scratch.
1 lb. shrimp
1 lb. scallops
1 C. chopped onions
1 C. chopped celery
1 C. chopped green peppers
2 C. cup chopped parsley
3 large carrots
1 lb. okra
Salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper to taste
File powder to taste

Bows

Vegetable Terrine

Mine was served with seared tuna.

1/2 C. olive oil, plus extra for oiling pans
some exterior cabbage leaves from several different store cabbages, boiled al detente
1 zucchini, stem and bottom ends trimmed, cut lengthwise into 1/4-inch slices
1 yellow squash, stem and bottom ends trimmed, cut lengthwise into 1/4-inch slices
1 C. cauliflower florets cut into tiny pieces
16 ounces fresh chard, washed, stems removed, then blanched, squeezed dry, and coarsely chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
10 ounces soft, mild goat cheese
2 Tb.minced fresh basil leaves
2 Tb. extra-virgin olive oil

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.  Line 2 large baking sheets with aluminum foil and lightly grease with olive oil. Arrange some of the cauliflower, zucchini, and yellow squash slices in a single layer on the sheets, slightly overlapping them. Brush with olive oil and lightly season with salt and pepper. Bake until soft and just golden around the edges, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and transfer to a plate to cool. Repeat with the remaining vegetable slices.

In a large bowl, combine the goat cheese with the basil, parsley, and extra-virgin olive oil. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper and mix well.

In a 6-cup terrine (12 by 3 by 3 inches), arrange the cabbage leaves crosswise over the bottom and up the sides, overlapping the slices to completely cover the terrine. The ends of the slices should overhang the sides of the terrine. Top the cabbage with thin layers of chard, zucchini, yellow squash, and cauliflower. Crumble a layer of the goat cheese mixture on top, and repeat the layering with the remaining vegetable slices. Bring the overhanging cabbage slices up over the terrine. Wrap the terrine loosely in plastic wrap. Top with an equal-size terrine or a piece of cardboard wrapped in aluminum foil. Place a brick or heavy pot on top of the terrine and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or for up to 24 hours.

Remove the terrine from the refrigerator. Remove the weight and unwrap. Slice with a very sharp knife and serve 1 thick or 2 thin slices per person.

Knitting

Apple pie

Mimi and I baked this pie today. I am sure it was delicious.

Mushroom Bacon Quiche

1 C. sliced fresh mushrooms
4 slices fully cooked turkey bacon, chopped
1 1/4 C. Egg Beaters® Original
1/2 C. half and half
1/2 C. shredded reduced fat Mexican blend cheese
1 C. chard (boiled down)
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Measure eggs and half & half in large measuring cup. Add remaining ingredients and give it a good stir.
This quiche is made without pie crust.
After preheating oven, spray bottom and sides of 9-inch pie plate with PAM® Original No-stick Cooking Spray. Fill dish with filling. Bake 350* for 45 minutes. I served mine with a few slices of avocado.

644.5 calories, 48 g protein, 12.7 carbs, 3.1 g fiber for the entire pie.

Keto Bread

3 C. blanched almond flour (10 oz)
10 Tbs. psyllium husk powder (no substitutes) (90 grams) (must be a fine powder, measure weight to be sure)
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. Celtic sea salt
5 Tbs. apple cider vinegar (2 oz)
6 egg whites (7 oz)
1 1/2 cup BOILING water (12 oz)

Yield: 10 servings. 220 calories, 14.2g fat, 8.2g protein, 20.7g carb, 16.6g fiber per serving.

NOTE:  Make sure to weigh your ingredients to ensure loaf rises properly and doesn’t get hollow and gummy.  If your loaf looks nice and big but then deflates after being removed from the oven, try reducing the baking powder to 3 teaspoons.  Full Recipe Here

Chard

This lovely rainbow chard is being made into a simple quiche.

Moss Horse

I saw this little guy at the green house the other day, and he almost came home with me. It is an iron structure horse, filled with sphagnum moss, and potted with an assortment of succulents. I'm just going to save this idea for later.

Air plant

Tillandsia Bulbosa and Funkiana are new additions to the air plant family.

Whiskey Chicken

6 oz. Chicken breast
1/4 C. teriyaki sauce
1/2 tsp. Garlic
1/2 tsp. Sambal oelek
1 oz. whiskey
1 C. Cauliflower florets
1 Tb. butter

Marinate chicken in teriyaki sauce, garlic, and sambal oelek for at least 2 hours. Chop up cauliflower until it resembles rice sized pieces. In a skillet, heat butter until it begins to brown. Add cauliflower and sautée until semi soft. Season with pepper if desired. Plate cauliflower. In skillet cook chicken until no longer pink. Remove chicken from pan, chop into bite sized pieces, then return to pan with remaining teriyaki marinade. Cook until sauce caramelizes. De-glaze pan with whiskey, then serve immediately.

Omelet

287 calories, 3.4g carbs, 1.25g fiber. 3 egg beater omelet with 2 strips bacon, 4 cherry tomatoes, 1/2 jalapeno, and 1 slice cheddar cheese.